Silence fence when wisdom fails. -Joanie

Look within to find yourself.

Why is practicing silence essential?

One of the hardest things to do is to stay silent when experiencing an injustice. When persons lie about your character and physical characteristics, one’s first response may be to defend oneself. While speaking up may feel good at the time, one needs to ask oneself if it is worth speaking up. Sometimes, you may speak to persons who have no common sense. In such a case, you’re wasting your time. Other times, you may speak up to persons who are determined to have others perceive you negatively. It does not matter how much you try to defend yourself; such persons have one goal: to make you look bad (they want you to crawl out of your skin). They do not care how you feel or how they make you feel. All they care about is that other persons perceive you negatively.

One may want to argue and wish to have your voice heard, but is it worth it?

Staying silent (i.e., Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Gandhi, Churchill, Mandela, and others had to do this) is necessary as a means to choose One's battles wisely (when to confront an issue or when to step back); it is not about avoiding the conflict, but to carefully allocate your time and energy, on things that will create change and that matters to you.  For example, sometimes, defending one’s character may cause psychological and physiological stress because no matter what a person says to defend themselves, it will not change the outcome. Consequently, in this case, speaking up will only cause a person to waste time and mental energy.

When is speaking up essential?

Speak up when you know that there are persons in your corner. That they will support you. If that is not the case, think before you speak.

Use your words carefully, and focus on the goal. What are you trying to achieve? Are you trying to let the oppressors/manipulators know that you are upset? If that is the case, you’re satisfying them because that is precisely how they want you to feel. Are you trying to ask the oppressors to stop manipulating/oppressing you? If that is the case, the more you tell them that they are oppressing/manipulating the more you're encouraging them to continue to hurt you, because hurting you mentally, physically, and psychologically is the goal.

If you’re trying to convince manipulators/oppressors to change their attitude, you’re wasting your time. The goal of the manipulators/oppressors is not to make you feel good. It is to make you lose psychological and physical control. Don’t give them that.

How do you know when to speak up or when to stay silent?

The first question you should ask yourself is: Is this person (s) capable of grasping the concept of treating persons with dignity and respect? If the answer is no, practicing silence is your best approach. It gives you a sense of control while you’re being attacked.

Sometimes when you speak up the oppressor/manipulators, you endup disclosing to them your trigger points, and they use them against you. Remember, some oppressors/manipulators aren’t that smart; they learn tactics by observing and listening to you. So don’t educate them on how to mistreat you by speaking up.

 

Before speaking up, ask yourself: What is the goal? Is it to foster a sense of unity and morale? If that is the case, know that oppressors and manipulators lack them. So, please do not waste your time trying to convince them. Instead, select your goals and audience carefully.

Proteawell (Joanie)